


Lonesome Town

by alxmariejackles



Category: Shameless (US)
Genre: Bipolar Disorder, Blood, M/M, Original Character Death(s), Self-Harm, Suicide
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-01
Updated: 2016-12-01
Packaged: 2018-09-03 14:29:09
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,156
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8717491
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/alxmariejackles/pseuds/alxmariejackles
Summary: Ian loved being a paramedic, but he only truly wanted one thing- and that was Mickey.





	

_Some people call me a teenage idol, they smile and say they envy me. I guess they got no way of knowin', how lonely it can be._  


Ian wasn’t lying to Caleb, he really did feel like his old self. He was productive, working a legitimate job, and helping others. It’s what he always wanted to do. Sometimes he’d lay in bed and think to himself: “What’s Mickey doing? Does he miss me?”  


Ian would also wonder to himself: “What the fuck did I do?”  


He was certain he was doing the right thing, positive. In a peculiar way he wanted to see if he could do better than Mickey. In another way, he wanted Mickey to do better than him. After almost losing his dream job because of his illness, Ian didn’t want anything to do with ailment. And Mickey reeked of it. Taking care of him when he was in his lows, controlling him when he was in his highs. He was proud of Mickey, he’d come a long way from when they first met. And Ian was proud.  


Ian also hadn’t reckoned why he’d paint such a vile image of Mickey to Caleb, perhaps he was trying to seem like some tough guy with rowdy exes, or expressing a small fraction of a taste of what Southside felt like- what it felt like to live there. Or maybe he was just trying to convince himself Mickey was a bad person, so he could move on.  


He could never move on.  


It had been a good year and a half since he broke it off with Mickey, and he’ll always remain bitter about Mickey being able to just walk away. Really, that’s what he did. Just turned around and left.  


Ian didn’t see the tears in the man’s eyes.  


Ian didn’t hear the man’s sobs.  


Ian didn’t feel the man’s broken heart.  


And what Ian really didn’t know? What November 30th, 2016 would bring.  


It was a dark, frigid night. His shift was just about wrapping up, and he really, really, didn’t want to see Caleb. They had been fighting a lot, and deep down in Ian’s heart he knew it was going to end soon. But Caleb had accepted his disorder, acknowledged it and never held it above Ian’s head like a carrot. But so had Mickey.  


The other paramedics and Ian were sitting around the ambulance, chuckling and chatting, bickering and playing. Ian had the opportunity to become a fireman, to get promoted to a higher job, but he had rejected the offer. Nothing felt better than helping other people feel better, and Ian was good at it. He understood feelings and emotion in a way none of the other paramedics could. And it was here he sat, when they had received the call.  


**“We have a code 901A. Immediate assistance needed.”**  


Ian hated suicides. On instinct the men and women hopped up and the yelling and slamming of doors resounded through the air. And as the lights and sirens kept Ian up at the surface, he still managed to slip into some thought sitting in the back of the ambulance. It was around eight at night, parents could’ve been on a d ate night, someone living alone. It didn’t matter. Ian hated suicides. They hit home in Ina’s heart. Probably because he had thought about it multiple times in his lows. But oddly enough, when his mind wasn’t crashing, Ian didn’t want to die. He was happy, he has truly never wanted to die. And someone out there does. And Ian knew, deep down, that person didn’t really want to die; but just couldn’t cry out for help in any other way.  


The ambulance pulled up to the side of a black house. There wasn’t a single light on, it was dark, and hard to see. But, nevertheless, Ian ran up the rotting wooden stairs and pushed open the front door. Looks like he’d be the first to the scene.  


There was a light on off to the left, and hysterical sobbing that sounded oddly familiar. More experienced paramedics rushed over to the light like moths. And their swiftness Ian will never be able to repay, for a second later and his love would’ve surely died.  


Ian scurried in seconds later, the breath knocked right out of him and his sight covered in red, red, red. And his love. His soulmate. His Mickey, lying motionless on the floor.  


Deep gashes cover the man’s wrists, his blood soaking the dirty carpet in a pool that squished when you stepped on it. Ian’s ears began to ring as he stared. Mickey’s pink lips were chapped and slightly parted as his breathing grew slower, and slower. He face was pale and deathly, and blood begun to matt the beautiful black hair Ian always used to run his fingers through. And the man’s eyes were closed, and right then and there, Ian realized he may never see those crystal blue eyes ever again.  


Ian was shoved out of the way as Mickey was carried away on a stretcher. The cops were here as well, only to record what had happened as part of protocol. But fuck protocol, this was Mickey, his love. His life. Who he wanted to marry someday if he would’ve just gotten his head out of his ass.  


Tears Ian had never even realized he was shedding rushed down his face as he ran after the paramedics, climbing into the back of the ambulance just before they slammed the doors shut and forgot him. But of course Ian couldn’t give a rat’s ass about that, he just wanted to be with Mickey one last time.  
Ian would never forget Mickey.  


Pressure was applied to his wounds, a breathing mask strapped to his face. Everything to be done right was done, and it still was no good. Mickey was proclaimed dead before they even got into the hospital, and Ian, well, Ian wasn’t going home tonight. He wasn’t going back to the house in which Mandy was being questioned, and he sure as hell wasn’t going back to Caleb.  


All Ian could do was sit in the ambulance, sobbing hysterics and thinking about how Mickey died alone, unwanted, and unloved. And Ian, in that moment, wanted to die too.  


_There's a place where lovers go_  
To cry their troubles away  
And we call it Lonesome Town  
Where the broken hearts stay

_You can buy a dream or two_  
To last you all through the years  
And the only price you pay  
Is heart full of tears 

_Going down to Lonesome Town,_  
where the broken hearts stay  
(I'm) going down to Lonesome Town, to cry all troubles away 

_And in the town of broken dreams_  
The streets are filled with regret  
Maybe down in Lonesome Town  
We can learn to forget  
Maybe down in Lonesome Town  
We can love to forget  
-The Cramps, 1977 

**Author's Note:**

> I've been gone awhile. . . I know. Shameless has made me so damn depressed I couldn't bare to come back and write. I should've thugh, as it would have helped many other people get through these times. But when I heard Mickey was coming back, I got my hopes up. I really shouldn't, but. . . something has to keep me going. I hope to continue to write more in the future.


End file.
